The inspirational journeys of people who are long-term survivors of HIV
Rodney
Rodney
Hawaii
Rodney is a long-term #HIV survivor living in Hawaii. He has found peace and happiness in yoga, praying and meditating. Photographs and story by Rodney.
I remember at one point thinking, “The fly on that piece of shit is better than me.” My partner would beat me down a lot, tell me how ugly I was, how skinny I was, how stupid I was. And I started believing it.
I was kind of broken when I started doing yoga. I was in a lot of pain after all those years of drug and alcohol abuse. But I found a great sense of calm, of serenity and peace. “Be here now.” That could be the best mantra ever. It keeps me from worrying about the future or feeling shameful about the past.
I fall out of poses, but I’ve learned how to fall gracefully. I’ve learned how to get up and laugh about it and dust myself off and keep going.
Life is interesting. It’s crazy and fun and hard and depressing. But it’s certainly a lot better than it was.
In my experience, I think that inequalities can lead to poorer choices, which can lead to becoming HIV-positive.
This “you-brought-this-on-yourself” attitude, by society in general, can take some of us to an “I-don’t-want-to-know-if-I’m-positive because-that’s-too-much-to-deal-with” mindset.
I have felt the sting of inequality, both as a gay man and as a person living with HIV, even amongst members of my family of origin. The pangs of rejection and disdain still reverberate. It’s taken a lot of work to get over the mountain of shame I knew was blocking my way to a healthier path in life.
Today, my life is better than it’s ever been, in regards to acceptance of who I am and the life I’ve lived. I’ve been together with my partner for over 10 years and we married over three years ago.
We started a business, centering on our visual artwork, just after moving to Hawaii, nearly five years ago, and are taking classes to widen our horizons. Ours is the healthiest, kindest and most loving relationship I have ever experienced. We are both HIV-positive. My gratitude is alive and well on a daily basis, even in the midst of this ongoing pandemic.
T a k e a c t i o n
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